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A Message from Sonja

I remember telling my mother when I was very young that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like her. My mother’s response was this: “Oh Sonja, you’re going to be so much better than me.”

At the time, I didn’t understand her reasoning for wanting me to be better than her—and besides that, I couldn’t imagine that happening in the first place! How in the world could I surpass the greatness of my own mother? She was simply too wonderful and to be just like her felt like the most I could ever want to be.

But I guess what I’ve come to understand is that my mother was simply planting her hopes inside of me. As her daughter, she wanted me to have things, know things and experience things that she herself had never known. She wanted me to learn from her mistakes and make some of my own while she was still around to help me sort things through. She wanted me to be braver than she was and to find my voice—and to use it—in the midst of my own world.

Looking back on my relationship with my mom, I can see that she was always planting things in my life. Whether it was her wisdom or her values, there was always something she was tilling and pruning in me to help me grow into a better person.

I think as women, we rely on the careful tending of other women in our lives to bring out the best in us. We seem to be naturally drawn to each other for encouragement and understanding and some of our deepest needs can only be met through the nurturing quality of a woman’s touch. And despite the fact that our culture has transitioned in such a way that women don’t mentor each other as much as they used to, it doesn’t negate the fact that we still need each other.

I wrote the story of Eloise Butts for many reasons. She is a character that embodies many of my own insecurities and doubts, but she is also one who has tremendous integrity and conviction. I wanted to give us, as women, a new heroine to look up to and to learn from. I wanted us all to pull for her when she flirted with disaster and identify with her when she nearly sells herself short. And above all, I wanted to show how strong we as women can be when we know who we are and what we stand for in this life.

To me, the greatest honor of writing this book would be to know that Eloise Butts—along with her grandmother, Edna Pearl—helped to inspire mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters and friends to champion the younger women in their lives and help them decide on their own list of “nonnegotiables.” To instill hope into the lives of younger women is an exceptional honor. And to give them the assurance that with every mistake, there is unconditional forgiveness and love, and with every new challenge, there is courage and honor to carry them through, is truly a gift.